Internal Family Systems (IFS): A Deeper Approach to Trauma Treatment

“Part of me wants to XYZ… but another part feels stuck or scared”. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We all experience these kinds of inner conflicts. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) is an approach to therapy that helps us understand and lessen the tension between the different parts of us.

IFS is grounded in a simple idea: we all have many parts inside of us. These parts hold different emotions, needs, beliefs, and experiences. They’ve often developed in response to what we’ve lived through, especially if we’ve experienced trauma or chronic stress.

You might notice a part of you that pushes you to achieve or stay busy, and another part that feels overwhelmed and just wants to shut down. A part that longs for connection, and another part that panics at the thought of being seen. IFS sees all of these parts as trying to protect us in some way, even when their strategies might no longer be working. The way to diffuse the sometimes unbearable tension between these conflicting parts is through compassion — understanding that each of these parts is trying to help you in some way, even if their approach isn’t quite working anymore.

Here are some other common polarizations that might feel familiar:

• Part of me wants to be honest about how I feel, but another part wants to avoid conflict

• Part of me wants to forgive, but another part is still angry

• Part of me wants to take a big risk, but another part fears failure

• Part of me wants to rest, but another part feels guilty

• Part of me wants to feel my emotions, but another part numbs out

• Part of me is proud of how far I’ve come, but another part minimizes it and says it’s not enough

How can IFS help with complex trauma, anxiety and depression?

When we’ve lived through complex trauma (relational trauma from neglect, abuse, or chronic misattunement), we often end up with parts of ourselves that carry intense pain, fear, shame, or grief. Other parts often work overtime to keep that pain buried, helping us function or stay safe. While these protective parts are incredibly resourceful and did help us stay safe at one point, they can also leave us feeling anxious, shut down, disconnected, or self-critical in our current lives.

IFS offers a path toward healing by helping us build a relationship with our parts from a place of curiosity and compassion. Instead of trying to “get rid” of anxiety or depression, we turn toward the parts of us that hold those feelings and begin to understand what they’re trying to communicate.

Over time, as we create more space for the parts of us that have been exiled, ignored, or shamed, we begin to experience more internal harmony. The parts of us that hold on to that intense pain, fear, shame and self-blame soften back — not because they’ve been silenced, but because they’ve been heard.

At the heart of IFS is something called the Self

At our core, beneath all of our parts, is what IFS calls the Self: the part of us that isn’t a part. It’s the steady, compassionate, curious, and wise presence within all of us. The idea of a core Self or wise, compassionate presence within us has existed across cultures and spiritual traditions for thousands of years. In Buddhism, this is reflected in the concept of Buddha nature or non-attached awareness: a calm, centered state that’s always present beneath the noise of the mind. When IFS refers to the Self, it draws from these ancient understandings, offering a grounded, accessible way to reconnect with that inner wisdom in therapy.

Our parts aren’t a problem — they just need to know they’re not alone anymore. When our parts can trust that Self is present, real healing becomes possible.

If you’re feeling like you’re constantly at war with yourself, IFS can help you move toward more internal harmony, connection, and peace.

Curious about trying IFS?

IFS has transformed the way I practice. I have seen the way it can help people who have felt stuck for years or even decades. If you are looking for IFS therapy in Duncan or online across Canada, I would love to hear from you. You can learn more about my approach here. If you’re ready to connect, you can reach out via the contact form below, or click the button below to book in a free 20-minute consult.