When most people hear the word trauma, they think of one-time, acute events: accidents, natural disasters, or assaults. These experiences are undeniably traumatic and can have a profound impact. But there’s another kind of trauma that’s quieter, more nuanced, and often overlooked. People can live with complex trauma for years or even decades without realizing they have experienced trauma.

What is complex trauma?

At its core, complex trauma refers to repeated or prolonged exposure to traumatic events (often beginning in childhood) that happen in the context of relationships. It’s the kind of trauma that accumulates over time and often includes emotional neglect, chronic misattunement, abuse, or growing up in an environment where you had to consistently suppress your needs to stay safe or loved.

Unlike single-incident trauma, complex trauma isn’t always about what happened to you -- it can also be about what didn’t happen. The safety that wasn’t there. The nurturing you didn’t receive. The sense of being seen and known that was never offered.

What is the impact of complex trauma?

Complex trauma tends to shape not just how we feel, but who we are. It embeds itself in our nervous systems, our beliefs about ourselves, and our relationships. It can show up as chronic shame, emotional dysregulation, hyper-independence, or deep fears of abandonment. It can make intimacy feel threatening and stillness feel intolerable. And often, people living with complex trauma don’t even realize that what they’ve experienced is trauma. They just assume they’re broken or too much.

Healing is possible

Healing from complex trauma won't happen through sheer grit or quick fixes. It’s not about “just thinking differently”, which is why top-down approaches like CBT are often not enough for those who have experienced complex trauma. Healing from complex trauma happens in safe, consistent, attuned relationships. Whether that’s in therapy, community, or chosen family, we need spaces where all our parts can show up and be met with compassion. Through this, we can begin to unlearn the shame-based narratives we have been living in our entire lives.

If you resonate with this, you’re not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. Your responses make sense in light of what you’ve lived through. And there is a way forward -- one that is slower and kinder than the world often makes room for.