What is Attachment-Based Therapy?
When we think about healing, most of us focus on the present: the symptoms we want to reduce, the patterns we want to change, the relationships we want to feel better in. But often, the roots of our struggles go much deeper, into the relationships that shaped how we learned to connect, love, and protect ourselves in the first place.
Attachment-based therapy starts from this understanding. Decades of research on attachment theory suggests that our earliest relationships (usually with caregivers) teach us what to expect from others and how to regulate our emotions.These early patterns don’t disappear as we grow up — they tend to resurface in our adult relationships, in our sense of safety, and even in how we treat ourselves. Our early relational experiences form a kind of “blueprint” for relationships: how we ask for help, how we handle distance or closeness, and how we see ourselves in relation to others.
Understanding Attachment Patterns
Everyone develops patterns for managing closeness and safety. If we grew up feeling mostly seen and supported, we tend to feel secure and comfortable relying on others.
If care was inconsistent, overwhelming, or unavailable, we might have developed ways of coping that once helped us stay safe — like becoming hyper-independent, taking care of others’ feelings while ignoring our own, or being very alert to signs of disconnection.
These patterns are understandable responses to the environments we grew up in. They helped to keep us safe at one point. But in our adult lives, they can often make our relationship to ourselves and others more complicated or painful. In therapy, we can begin to gently untangle these patterns, honouring how they once helped to keep you safe, exploring whether they still serve you, and finding new ways forward.
What Happens in Attachment-Based Therapy
Attachment-based therapy emphasizes that healing happens within a safe, consistent, and supportive relationship. Research consistently shows that the therapeutic relationship is one of the most important mechanisms of healing in psychotherapy, which is why it is so important to find a therapist who feels like the right fit. Together, we begin to notice how your early experiences might still be shaping your present — not to assign blame, but to help you understand yourself with more compassion and choice.
Attachment-based therapy works on two levels:
Understanding your patterns — noticing how they show up in your relationships, in your self-talk, and even in how you relate to your therapist.
Creating new experiences of safety and connection — through a consistent, attuned therapeutic relationship where all parts of you are welcome.
We explore what it’s like to feel connected, supported, and understood. Sometimes that means slowing down and paying attention to how you respond when you reach out, when someone cares for you, or when things feel uncertain. Over time, your nervous system learns that closeness can feel safe and that you can stay grounded and authentic, even in connection with others.
This process can help you:
Build healthier, more secure relationships
Feel calmer and more grounded in your emotions
Trust yourself and your needs
Set boundaries without fear or guilt
Experience more self-acceptance and confidence
Healing Through Relationship
Attachment-oriented therapy reminds us that healing doesn’t happen in isolation — it happens in relationship. When you experience consistent care and genuine attunement, new possibilities begin to open. You start to internalize that sense of safety, allowing you to connect with yourself and others from a place of calm, rather than fear or self-protection.
Attachment Based Therapy in Duncan BC & Virtual Across Canada
If you think attachment-based therapy might be a good fit for you, I would love to hear from you. I offer trauma-informed, attachment-based therapy in person in Duncan, BC and virtual therapy across Canada. You can book a free 20-minute consultation or learn more about my approach here.
